Date: 04-Feb-2019
After passing so many years I collected some confidence to write
up words about me. To think about that I am going to write about myself seems a
quite tough task because to face your soul is one of the most toughest job in
the world and I am going to handle it. It somewhere describe me as a bravest
person on earth and I am happy to accept this reward. Wheel of time is moving
fast and it’s not giving me chance to hold it for a moment. I want time to stay
with me but since it’s a nature of time to move forward so it can’t be
mine. There are so many things in life which we can only like but we
can’t make them ours.
In the race of life I heard so much about life that life gives too
much. But when I came to beg something from my life to for my life, life went
run away with time and I became stable. The phase of stability is too much
higher and broad which is not ending. I looked life, through the mirror of life
and see always different things that changes the basic virtue of mirror. Now I
am in state that devastated me badly and my personality has been shifted in the
chamber of neutrality.
Few years back I had many sheds of my personality. I was holding
the colors of life. I had all the colors and these colors had been with me
since I took first breath on earth. I had generosity, innocence and
moreover the collections of good virtues. These virtues always propel me
to do well in life that never took anyone sentiments out and make pleased to
everyone always. This motive was quite good and filled with gratitude in my
personality. Gradually, I collide with sentiments of people on different
occasion and without knowing of intention of others, and without knowing depth
of their understanding to understand me and my emotions, carried me on that
platform from where you will find yourself in pool of isolation. It made me
amaze that how dramatically I reached on the way of seclusion. It was always
been difficult to keep yourself away from the group and take membership of
becoming a member of purdah family. As life goes ahead we don’t realize
initially the series of changes which we are going to adopt. When your
surrounding come into your circle, spend time with you then your inner
reactions comes out as a remark on many occasion and give glances to them to
see changes are happening in you. How weird it looks when we feel that we
aren’t felling and other feels in you through our actions & behaviors. It
give you a sign that you are losing a significant person and that person is
exist in you. Clearly says in this puzzling fold we start to lose ourselves and
forget to know our potential as well good things about self. I have experienced
terrific reality of life that makes me afraid to feel the actual reality of
life. I heard always that life is the beautiful gift that gifted by nature but
I saw flipped life that turns so quick when the way of good time starts it
turns to bad side and gave me deep torments that probably could be heel by time
only. Impacts of negativity affected me badly and created me as a person who is
carrying negativity and becoming a master of negative waves. In Hindu
mythology, we see characters that had a lot of negative power and harming the
structure of society through their action and waves denoted by society as a
demon. I represented which face of society that society only can tell but for
me it’s difficult to plan a name for myself. Neither I am demon nor Lucifer, I
am only a simple human being whose identity is limited in boundaries and given access
to those who are in list of few, that understands me but I am not an owner of
negativity who keeps isolated, produced negativity and harming self by
protecting sentiments of well-wishers. These are the stages of life when others
judge you by having a no guts of judging a person.
During the small journey of life, I learned one thing, keep your
ambition or goal higher despite of standing at lowest point of life. Because
only lowest point can give you a calculation to understand the level of height
and once we assume that a height can be conquer by keeping balance in approach,
then hardest journey of life could be turn into ease. Since inception to now,
primitive to modernity, human journey based upon this formula only. This
positive outlook give strength to human to clearing stumbling block in their
way and all the toughest challenge achieved by a lay human being. I have to
impose these methods on me for the conquering the battle of my life. There are
so many things in life that can make you most precious but lack of consistent
efforts mold me into different directions where I never ever wanted to go. I
often tried to change the route but track of life is always filled up with
several ups and downs. Sometimes you reached their deliberately and sometimes external
forces control you and push ourselves on wrong path which reminds you still
that our hands are not well versed to handle the steering of life. How tough to
handle our life that is practically it’s yours but in reality it’s not in our
control. Being a layman, it happens with every one, because we are often not
much dedicated towards the responsibility of life. We know our accountability
but we don’t want to become accountable, because of lethargic approach and this
is the biggest loophole of our life. We never give value to the voice of our
psyche and it means we are not paying respect to life. After carrying such a
negligence attitude how we can get success in life, this is the million dollar
question which I thought mostly. I woke up every day to make a day more
valuable for me. Try much to conquering hurdles but always get fail to achieve
one percent out of hundred percent. Am I only suffering with this complexity of
life or many others having a same story which I experienced so far? Knowing
yourself is a devilish task of life that comes when we mix up with the
environment, which is filled with the higher percentage of negativity and the
level of this gap is so much higher that we can’t see the waves of positivity.
One of my mentor always say to me, “adopting a wrong path is a very easy job
because it gives us great comfort”, no guidelines are required for walk in any
direction. Simply raise steps and enjoy the path of life by ignoring the basic
theories of life. Perhaps, I also applied and followed it dedicatedly under the
lack of growing intellectuality. When I recall the potential of my personality
after passing years, then realizing the golden phase of life has almost gone
away from my life and now I am deeply stirred by my performance. Now life is swinging
between two poles, past or present and the nexus of time pushing me here to
there to realizing that I could have achieve more then what I deserve. My past
gives me a silent pain all the time and make me realize that dreams are the
most fragile entity in the world which can be broken by even a soft touch of
time.
When I was younger that time I had a habit of reading social books
where I read that youth of coming generation are largely captured by the
psychological problems. Depression was also one count of these syndromes. I
often ask question to my conscience what it is. And try to gather information
to know the problems of youth but I was quite unaware that due to pressure of
life I would secure soon my position into those syndromes family. Time pushed
my existence into the family of depressed people. I came across through
depressions and as time passed the graph of psychological issues went higher
rapidly in my life. Firstly it made me a worried person then after broke me
gradually, and at last shattered me badly. My existence splintered into several
Nano particles which can’t be seen by any other person except me because it’s
broke me internally. As time was going this pain was coming out gradually and
become noticeable by the close people. This was the moment where your
well-wisher give you preach to handle the pressure of life by coming out
generational thoughts. We often forget those are close with us somewhere they
become a reason to drag you in marked off zone. Being a segregate from the
group is like an entry of torments in your life that agonize you in the state
of isolation. Male gender often recognize harder as they are blessed to hide
their sentiments but on other side they are most fragile too because their
inner pain comes on front despite of maintain all the tough stuffs to cloak
your secrecy. Since I have feel the pain of this disaster hence able to know to
live life into this state means surviving your existence from the lion’s den.
As time grew my level to handling challenges become sharper and gradually after
struggling a lot received victory to overcome this phase of life. It was the
knackering experience of my life that took away my mental peace forever.
Life is a submission of sorrow and happiness. We accept only good
things but we forget to know the nature of life. A cycle of life can’t be go in
one direction, if the point of cycle is in your favor means it will be turn out
soon to go on other phase too and it would be a phase where you have to keep
balance in aspects of life so that you can pass through toughest journey of
life in quick and safe manner. Sometimes it looks easy when tough things are
written in lucid manner. It gives us strength as our intellects have a capacity
to create a balance to understand the calculus of life. For resolving toughest
question in mathematics we apply formulas, and if the value is missing then we
assume & borrow values and fit the borrowed value into question and get the
solution easily. We all have a need to find out at least few well-wisher those
can give contribution to clear the potholes in the course of your journey. I
had also deployed few exponents for my life for making me safe when the
critical difficulties hover overhead but it was sad to see their negative
response on peak time that shattered me again badly. Trust is a word which
joins association of two soul. It connects one incomplete particles to other
incomplete particles and make them complete, and give strength to the union of
their association. After losing trust of close ones makes us more discomfort
and loneliness. It’s a reason to bring a huge void in life and once void
replace an important nerves of life then life goes into uncontrolled direction.
I achingly feel it and wholly gone into the process of sharp pain.
It was the abrasive experience of life that added skill to bear the weight of
life in odd circumstance therefore I never consider it as a sour phase of life.
During the process of self-introspection, I realized level of
thinking has become broader but required deeds to reach on an outcome had
always been lesser. A youth should have a capacity to think beyond the limit
according to the nature of mental craving and it was shrinking rapidly in me. I
should not have limited my existence of thinking in boundaries. It should be
boundless and I am realizing this truth of success later. A path of success
have a combination of desire, dream & vision. I have to enable these
features into my personality by keeping a strong will. This is really an
alarming time for my career which is giving me a sign to move quickly for
catching the rhythm of time. I need to draw a path by setting the level of
priorities into this manner so that the gap of life could be fulfill with the
passage of time. I still consider there is an incompleteness in me when see the
dependents on me feel insecure to see the progress achieved so far. I am
obstructed by self and because of this hunger of passion has become hushed
which need to ignited by knowing the inner potential. Attempts of letting down
in past made be hopeless to go further. Suffice to say, I was gutted when to
know to make disheartened to my well-wishers. It was the state to interrogate
yourself in the court of your soul, and it’s the only place where you can’t
escape yourself by speaking truth. I always wanted to association of few
acquainted those can propel me in positive manner, but couldn’t find kindred
spirit people.
Sometimes for receiving motivation, I look back in history of most
failure people and seek the point of enthusiasm to do something bigger in their
life and then find association of at least few person in their life who
energized them during the tenure of failure and cemented the trust to have a
capacity to do good in their life for the betterment of self as well as society
too. This is one of the most imperative thing which revolves around us for
securing your position in the row of successful people. After living such a
gigantic experience of life I realized my story is completely different and it
could be regulate by my own endeavor. There is no other person made for my life
for holding my hand to go forward. If anyone can do that is me only. It’s hard
truth but need to accept in my context.
These are the general things that needs to be apply by every
individual from coming out of the chronic time. Failure in life makes us more
aware, more experienced, and develop the traits of being sagacious for
completing the remaining journey of life. I have developed these features in me
to calculate the distance of success and how many miles I have to walk to reach
on acme of my career. Series of failure gave me serious outlook to see the new
face of life. Till now I knew only humans are only demanding but now realized life
is demanding too and it runs on the concept of give and take. I have to follow
the principle of life for excavating best objects which are buried in the lap
of life and for this discovery, I have to maintain the focused approach by
living in present and need to forget what I mentioned above in story of my
life.
Written By
Written By
Bhaskar Rao Chaudhary
New Delhi
New Delhi
